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Many of us who have been subject to the fanciful hopes and malicious hate of the religious world enjoy many conversations where we describe what we would like to do the church we once belonged to or how we would like to turn the tables on those pesky Jehova’s Witnesses knocking at our doors at 9 a.m. on a Saturday morning with the intention of getting us interested in gawd again.

Those conversations are always so satisfying and enjoyable. There is little doubt in our minds that these are long overdue consequences of the bullying we have tolerated throughout many eras of mankind’s existence. And on this, I can usually agree, though my rational mind tells me that not everyone under the religious umbrella deserves a good thumping. In all honesty, they do not all deserve it.

I will be the first to admit that I agree if you are ascribed to a certain belief sect, then, like it or not, you are representative of all it encompasses. Good and bad. I, like many others, refuse to acknowledge as Christian those who decide to pick and choose what they want to believe out of the Bible. Treating it like it is a “Make it your way” Burger King menu. But, you will not see me fantasizing about torturing a Christian who believes in a deity who supports their pastor NOT using political commentary in their sermons. You won’t see me planning a thought out public humiliation of a Muslim who uses their better judgement and decides that while he/she may not like it, homosexuals should not be discriminated against. When deciding how you want to torture religious believers for millenniums of abuse, there are factors to consider.

And while some may not understand this idea, I have to say the reconsideration of torture fantasies should not necessarily apply to this “God” of theirs as well.

So, let’s dig in here by starting with the age old question many atheists are asking amongst each other or by religious believers: What would you do to God if you had his powers?

Now, I hear this question all the time. In fact, already for the second time this week when I came across a newer forum posting  on the same subject. These questions never fail to inspire, but on what level of logic or even rational thinking are these inspirations based? I would argue that you cannot even ask this question hypothetically. At the very least, you are going to have to become extremely detailed about the parameters of this exercise before opening the room for contributions.

Here is why.

First of all, the question in and of itself is pretty much a false start. Which idol are we discussing, and which version? Usually it is in regards to the Bible, but even that version of a god has many different and conflicting accounts. AND that leads to my second reason why you cannot necessarily punish a hypothetical savior of the Bible.

Despite the theoretical conditions of which version of God it is, you still have the issue with your source for this deity: The Bible.

This is the main and pretty much only reason why I do not fantasize about punishing this biblical being in the most horrendous ways possible. The Bible cannot be used as a basis for any question we  ask in regards to the legitimacy of who or what a god is. EVER. Not even in hypothetical questioning. Why? Pretty simple. The religious are not allowed to use their holy books as evidence, so how in the hell can you justify positing any type of question about this deity based on a book that we refuse to accept as evidence of anything factual?

Hypothetically, I cannot justify torturing a being that I do not know for a fact did anything wrong. I have no basis for my justification of such punishment beyond the Bible, and that source should obviously be off limits.